Part 30 – The big bomb clock
Anya’s hand froze on the door handle.
“Oh god, Spike, oh yes, fuck,” she heard Xander exclaim. “I’m… gonna…
come, Spiiike ooooh…”
There was a loud groan, a sound she was intimately familiar with.
She was so utterly stunned that she was rooted to the spot. Her Xander was masturbating while
fantasizing about Spike? Since when was her
Xander interested in men? *I hope
Xander’s not gay,* she thought worriedly. *It’s okay if he’s bisexual, because then we can still have great sex,
but I don’t want him to be gay and stop sleeping with me.*
Maybe it was just Spike? The vampire was very attractive, one had to be blind – or maybe a lesbian - not
to see that. More than once, she had thought about that evening at the Bronze
when she and Spike had almost had sex. Just because Xander was “The One” it
didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to let her eyes or thoughts wander a little.
Before she could decide whether she should just walk into the bedroom or
if she should give Xander another minute or two of privacy – he was easily
embarrassed and might not like getting caught while enjoying a private fantasy
– she heard Xander’s voice again. She couldn’t make out the words, but it
sounded like a conversation, except that she couldn’t hear the replies of the
person he was talking to. Meaning, Xander was on the phone. Meaning, Xander was
having sex on the phone. With Spike, it seemed. Without her!
She could hear her own pulse pounding angrily in her ears and felt the
heat of unadulterated anger flare through her body. How dare he! That was
cheating.
*I turned Olaf into a troll for cheating
on me. I turned other men into walking torches, into lab monkeys and into
sentient slugs for cheating. How dare he cheat on me!*
Her first impulse was to barge in and challenge him there and then, but
then she strained to hear more of the conversation on the other side of the
door:
“… here or … your crypt… going to sleep, … past midnight … get here… get
the sofa ready … breakfast tomorrow. No work … Maybe … good idea … tell Anya.”
*’Tell Anya’? What’s he going to tell me?
Oh no. He’s leaving me. He wants to break off our engagement, because he wants
to be with Spike.*
She thought back to the time when Riley had left Buffy. That night, Xander
had told her for the first time that he loved her. Painfully and everything.
Not much later, she and Xander had laid down the rules of breaking up. They had
talked about warnings and countdowns and big bomb clocks. Xander had promised
to give her ample warning should he ever want to break up. But it looked like
that had been a lie.
*He promised,* she thought. A strange mix of human
emotions constricted her throat: rage, loss and hurt. Suddenly, she felt a
strange wetness on her face. She touched her face, amazed to find tears rolling
down her cheeks. She had seen other people cry, at Mrs. Summers’ funeral, and
after Buffy’s death, but she had never cried before. She turned around and
stumbled into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she heard Xander come out of
the bedroom and open the balcony door.
“Ahn? Good news, Spike called.” Xander’s voice sounded cheerful, happy
even. “He’s in L.A. but he’s already on his way back. He’ll be coming around
later, so leave the balcony door open, alright? He’ll sleep on the couch. I’m
going to bed, now. Are you coming?”
“Go ahead,” she called, through the bathroom door, trying to sound
normal. “My hair’s still wet.”
A half hour later, when she had calmed down somewhat, she left the bathroom.
Xander had closed all the blinds of the living room and left sheets and
cushions in a pile on the sofa. *Typical!
If it’s housework it’s Anya’s work,* she thought and busied herself
spreading out the sheets and putting a clean cover on the pillow. Only then did
she realize what she had done.
She walked into the bedroom to check on Xander. He’d fallen asleep with
the lights on. She was glad he was asleep, because if he’d been awake it would
have been impossible not to yell at him. She could wake him to have that fight
now, but realized that her thoughts and feelings were so garbled, she didn’t
even know what to yell at him about.
She looked at him for several minutes. She loved the warmth he was
radiating and the way he usually smiled in his sleep. She loved his smell,
masculine and full of exciting pheromones. She loved his strong and muscular
body. She loved the way he made love to her. She also loved the way he snuggled
up to her during the night, so that when she woke up in the morning she usually
found one of his arms cradling her waist.
The thought of losing him caused her almost physical pain.
*What about our future together?*
How could he plan on leaving her, when she'd tried so hard to be
everything he could possibly want in a woman? How could he upset her carefully
laid out plans for squeezing maximum bliss into their deploringly short human
lifespans; plans that involve a nice suburban home with a soundproof bedroom, a
Dodge Caravan, two kids, a boy and a girl, of course, and a hellhound or two to
disembowel foolish burglars, lots of money to buy beautiful things and make
everybody else jealous, and, finally, lots of great and uninhibited sex.
* It can’t be over! I love him and I want
to spend my life with him.*
Spike! It was probably all Spike’s fault. Spike was evil. He probably
had some kind of hidden motive in seducing her fiancé: revenge on her for
refusing to have sex with him that night at the Bronze? Or to humiliate Xander
about it publicly? Maybe he wanted to make Buffy jealous? A bet? Her mind was
reeling with the possibilities.
Everybody knew vampires swung both ways. That fact, plus their stamina
and experience, made them sought for lovers among many demons. Vampires weren’t
known to be particular about who they had sex with. Most vampires, anyway.
Although, Spike wasn’t ‘most vampires’.
He had a long history of monogamy, something that Anya normally admired
– but that made Spike’s intentions towards Xander all the more threatening.
Maybe, just maybe, Spike wanted Xander all for himself?
*Well, he’s not going to get him. Xander’s
mine.*
Anya felt herself growing calm and resolved. Panic was futile. She had
to focus on what was important.
*I’m not giving Xander up without a fight.
A thousand years of experience in the vengeance business will count for
something!*
She had to focus on getting rid of Spike.